At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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