and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
