I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
