you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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