His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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