You made me cry and you don't even care
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.