You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids