batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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