WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
