Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize