I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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