Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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