you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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