Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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