So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
