i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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