broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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