I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
