We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
two words: eviction party
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
