so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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