so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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