Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize