Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm getting married
To pizza
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize