Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
