we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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