She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
