come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
