we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
