My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
