Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
