I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
