i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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