so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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