Will you blow on my dice?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
