im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
