i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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