I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
