i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
