dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
