Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
