he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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