just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
