1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
