when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
