I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've changed since you got that strap on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
