I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize