Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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