told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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