and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
