I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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