Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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