Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
