Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
