I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i drank out of a bidet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
