Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
