don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
