How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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