i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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