I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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