the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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