There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
