She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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